SABINA COLMAN(:

2012-01-01T22:41:00.002+10:00

http://brokenfaith-wastedbreath.tumblr.com/

my new home.

For Him<33

2010-11-12T20:17:00.001+10:00

So you want to know how it feels to be me?
To be brave enough to fall and then be strong enough to get back up. To seek true love and everyday for someone to tell me I’m wasting my time. To believe in the good of people and for them to be bad in return.

I am afraid of falling again, falling for you. Then having to pick myself up after you leave, having to pretend that your presence had no impact on my life, having to miss you.

This I write to him, you know who you are, because honestly I do care, I care a whole damn lot, a lot more than I want to, & a lot more than normal, & at times it seems a lot more than you.

My fambam are completely irreplaceable.

2010-10-27T21:20:00.001+10:00

Marilyn Truong, Jessica Wood, Molly O’Shea, Linzey Noble, Emily Peach, Malcolm Khuu, Erin Manz, Scott Thomas, Eddie Hill
&& MADDISON MCCOY.

I’m sorry Maddison McCoy I have no recent photos of us on my laptop but I promise next time we chill we are taking photos and I’m going to make a whole post about you. I love you. &Your face.

Do you care about my happiness?

2010-10-27T20:43:00.001+10:00

Okaay,

Recently I have been really down and depressed.

But now my whole world is looking up thanks to Josica Agarwal.

Thankyou.

P.s. I was going to tell you all about my problems but I have told enough people. Thankyou people who have listened.
I very much appreciate it.

(: MMBDST

He will never understand.

2010-10-27T19:20:00.001+10:00

He will never understand how I feel at night when the only touch I want to feel is his own.

He will never understand that losing him, the best thing that’s ever been mine, has completely broken me.

He will never understand how my heart aches day by day just waiting for the love that once filled it to return.

He will never understand the hurt my hands feel to have to be held by others, and no longer the ones they desire.

He will never understand the emptiness of my eyes to go without the sight of someone special, someone like him for so long.

He will never understand how our love impacted me, it was magical, irreplaceable and completely life changing.

He will never understand the way I love him.

♥

do I mean anything to you anymore?

2010-09-15T21:36:00.001+10:00

Okaay, this is going to be a proper post instead of small amount of words I write down when I am lying in bed thinking of times in my past where I should of done something, could of done something or didn’t do somethingg.

Today I went to RBH for work experience in the Emergency Imaging Ward. It was pretty boring all I did was sit there mostly besides when I went on tea and lunch with Vika. Oh and I went to ICU for a mobile xray, OKAYYY I THINK TALKING LIKE THIS IS GAY; WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT MY DAY? Sabinaaa is cool ! XD

What the fuck has happened to you? You used to be my bestfriend! and now it’s like I don’t even matter. I have been excluded from your new life and resort to reading your blog everyday just to feel included again; Just hoping one day you might say something about how much you miss me, or that I matter to you. But for every day I wait I lose hope in us, I lose hope in you. When I do read your blog I acknowledge all your special abbreviations for your ‘close’ friends, ones that matter to you; like I DID. <<Past tenseee:)) I dont know what to do, I want to keep loving you but am finding it harder than every. Maybe forever was unrealistic. I’m sorry.

sabinaFUCKENcolman

2010-09-15T21:15:00.001+10:00

May the magic of our love last forever.

I love you, but when will you realise you love me too?

2010-09-15T21:01:00.001+10:00

Hope is for losers. It’s a con job people trip behind till they finally get a grip on the cold hard truth.

In search of guidance.

2010-09-15T20:28:00.001+10:00

Some people believe in god; I believe in music.
Some people pray; I turn up the radio.

That’s just how it is.

I’m travelling the road; road to greatness.

2010-09-10T07:46:00.001+10:00

These past few days I have been conflicted, conflicted between loving you and continuing to be unhappy or just letting you go and still being unhappy. The thing is you’re my happiness. You are the sun in my sky that gets me out of bed every morning and You’re the stars in my sky to guide me through the dark. I need you in my life, not just for now but forever.

he is amazing!

2010-09-02T20:02:00.001+10:00

Luke Garrett ♥
- my best friend!

' sabinaa ( L ) says:
*listen to my song
Lukkeee says:
*WHAT SONG
' sabinaa ( L ) says:
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAHDtzeC_AU
Lukkeee says:
*im busyy talking to people
' sabinaa ( L ) says:
*no listen now
*:@
Lukkeee says:
*OKAY
*OMFGHFULKLBNsga
*jhdsflkhadsbkavnfms
*'daew;efsad
*'wrl;eqjlnwkgamd[salhwteklwncb;mf kadlm;sk
*bgt'aw rg
*as'dlbsNNFM,;CS
*D'
*'D;ASFLMGNC'MF
*,;GDAKN'SKL;L
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
* YOU MADE ME DIE IN COD YOU CUNT!

They are never who they are.

2010-09-01T19:51:00.001+10:00

To be happy you have to look to yourself, you cannot trust a person enough to be your happiness.

Even the one’s that love you the most; Let You Down
Even the one’s that say they’ll always be there for you; Leave
Even the one’s that say they’ll always tell the truth; Lie
And even the one’s that seem innocent; Bone

So never trust a person with your life it’s not worth it.

Why do the greatest of guys give the dumbest of answers?

2010-09-01T19:39:00.001+10:00

You don’t understand I have been keeping this in for a long time and it was so hard to be honest with you the other day, and then when I was all you had to say was ‘Can you read my HPE assignment and make it sound smart?’
Like OMG what was I thinking forcing my heart on you again. I knew you wouldn’t take it. I knew you wouldn’t care. I knew you’d be a dick about it. I knew all this and didn’t care. I thought you were going to at least tell me something worth while but when you said ‘I have a question’ all you wanted to know was ‘Why?’

You’re the best thing that has ever been mine.

lyrics > thoughts!

2010-08-29T19:36:00.001+10:00

Sometimes listening to music expresses all those feelings your too scared to admit to having.

I wish…

Suddenly my cell phone’s blowing up
With your ringtone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
And I’m surprised to hear you say

You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

You remember the simple things
We talked ‘til we cried
You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I’d forget
Is saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Ooh, goodbye.

Dreams do come true. ♥

Did you lie about love or is love a lie ?

2010-08-24T21:01:00.001+10:00

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry;

Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie.

Good or Bad? Slut or Nerd?

2010-08-17T21:09:00.001+10:00

It’s the good girls who keep diaries, the bad girls never have the time.

NSC
2010-08-16T19:56:00.001+10:00

Well I haven’t properly blogged in a while. I guess I just don’t know what to say or how many lies to tell but since no one reads my blogs anymore I thought I would just start with the truth.

I miss you. I miss how I could just look beside me and you would always be there. I miss your lame jokes that could make me smile even when I felt like shit. I miss how you would hold my hand in English and never let go. I miss your walk and how you looked somewhat goofy looking. I miss your braces and your curly hair. I miss how you made me feel all warm inside and like I was apart of a family. I miss your blue eyes when they would look into mine and tell me you loved me. I miss all the time we spent together inside and outside school. I miss how you were the best part of my day.

It just kills me to think how this has turned out, how much you hate me and never want to talk to me ever again, how you blocked and deleted me off MSN and Facebook, how I will never get my straightener back, and how I am never going to see your face again. I feel horrible. I have tried so hard to put that fake smile on my face and I know that it fooled everyone but I know I still feel it, the sadness and pain. It follows me everywhere, wherever I go and whatever I do. But I still try to ignore it, I try to tell myself that you don’t want me anymore and I should just fuck off.

Lately I have been having dreams every night and every one has you featuring as a main role. I don’t think about you during the day and if I find myself thinking about you for a slight second I try thinking about something different, something better, something happy. But somehow when I go to sleep my mind takes over and all I can think about is you; how much you hate me, how much you never want to see me again, and how much it is all over and I can never get it back.

You said you would always love me and that would never changed but then you found her and it was like I didn’t exist anymore, like you found a better number one that could make you happier than I ever could, like she was miss perfect and I was just pushed aside (out of sight; out of mind). I used to believe in everything we had like somehow we could change the world, reinvent forever, and live happily ever after but somehow everything failed. I never wanted you to change schools. I knew nothing would ever be the same. I knew I would lose you and I know that this would happen.

I wonder if you still think about me like I think about you; Everyday. If you miss me or what we had the slightest bit. That maybe subconsciously you still cared and regularly read my blogs just to see if I was doing okay. That you still loved me but knew that the distance was so far that anything we had would be unrealistic. That whenever you look at the straightener I bought you that you think back to those great times at my house, watching Get Him to the Greek, One Tree Hill and Bruno.

Just then someone just quoted me lines of what you had said about me calling me a bitch and telling me to come and get my straightener myself. I don’t know why you hate me. I find it difficult so see how best friends can go from what we had to what we have now. That you would have such an attitude to someone you recently classified as special. Was it for believing your friends, the ones that you had told your secrets to and they had told me because they knew that would you were doing was wrong? because I sware on NONNA that I have done nothing to ever hurt you or anyone you love. I am not that type of person and you know that. I think you are just trying to find any insignificant thing to hate about me so it makes this easier on you.

I have never been able to write a long blog, well not one as long as this one. I just don’t know what to do anymore. My life has become boring as fuck like c’mon I worked 16 hours this week, School is boring as and whatever I need to get out to stop these dreams from happening I really hope is in this post. I love you. Sorry.

By Sabinaaaa. (that bitch)

D:

2010-08-16T17:49:00.001+10:00

Without you my life is like a QR train.

The truth is I cannot live without you.

2010-08-16T17:36:00.001+10:00

TELL THEM ALL I KNOW NOW
SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOF TOPS
WRITE IT ON THE SKY LINE
ALL WE HAD IS GONE NOW
TELL THEM I WAS HAPPY
NOW MY HEART IS BROKEN
ALL MY SCARS ARE OPEN
TELL THEM WHAT I HOPED WOULD BE

IMPOSSIBLE

Was it all just Once Upon A Time?

2010-08-09T22:43:00.001+10:00

I hate the songs that remind me of you.

I hate when people say your name.

I hate that my bed smells of you.

I hate who you’ve become.

I hate that you loved me.

I hate you for hating me.

I hate me without you.

I hate that your gone.

I hate the memories.

Girls Can Do Anything

2010-08-09T22:26:00.001+10:00

What happened to those days where the best part of the day was nap time? Where the only thing we hated was what our parents had packed us for lunch? Where what got us through that day was coming home to watch the simpsons? These days the best part of my day is when you look at me or choose to talk to me over your friends, I hate practically everyone and people hate me, and what gets me through the day is coming home and hoping you’ll be there to talk to me when I get there.

Girls these days have forgotten how to live on their own. They rely so much on guys to help them, comfort them and make the happy. They have taken on the role to do anything just to seek approval from that special someone. They put aside important things like sleep, friends, and morals to make guys happy. I am sick of seeing my friends get walked over by bad guys that say they care. I’m sick of having to pick up the pieces of my friends’ broken hearts’ and my own. I hate that we let guys become such a dominant role in our lives, that they practically run it without us knowing. I am not playing their game anymore. I’m Out!

He loves me not !

2010-08-03T22:01:00.001+10:00

You used to put the butterflies in my stomach, the smile on my face, the sun in my sky.
Until you became some other guy.
You started using me not loving me, lying to me not denying me, and fucking me instead of dumping me.
You said you told your school about me, that I was your one and only.
You said you would always love me and nothing could come above me.
But somewhere along the way you chose to lie and lie and lie.
I guess you weren’t the person we all knew, you have now chosen to be someone new.

Poem by Sabina Colman

and I thought I was a bad person?

2010-08-03T21:54:00.001+10:00

Today was a day of clarity.
I learnt so much; not just about you but about myself.

You used to be some cool guy that I used to think the world of. A good person one I knew would never change to please other people, to fit in, or to get a root. But that has all changed. Your reputation died today and everything good about you. No one really likes you now because how you went about things. People knew we wouldn’t last and that you would change your ways. I guess I believed in nothing all this time and I could admit that today.

If you think back to last week probably around this time I admitted to everyone I wasn’t as strong as I looked and everyone saw me cry. But today I proved myself wrong. I fought for what I wanted. I didn’t let you take me. I stood strong against the world and let nothing you did phase me. I have cried and cried and cried so many tears for you. But now I sit and think who the fuck are you? I believe I am strong, strong enough to over come this; Stronger than you think. Strong enough to be me without all your bull shit.

Cover your eyes kids this boy is evil.

The loss of you; the one I love.

2010-08-01T16:28:00.001+10:00

Written in English on the 22/07/10
English Basics; Chapter 10.

Loss: the loss of a pet or animal, the loss of a toy or cherished item or the loss of a loved one could be one of the many events that could make the biggest impact on your life. The loss of you; the one I love; would be unbearable. We have been though a lot. We have been together through happy and sad, sick and well, pure and impurities; and we have come too far to through it all away now. Everything we have over come in the past couple of weeks should have made us stronger but it truly does feel like we are drifting apart. I still believe in us and think about what we could’ve been everyday. I hate that this had to happen to us. I miss you.

nobody falls in true love these days; it’s just too hard.

2010-08-01T16:13:00.001+10:00

True love is true;
Whereas fake love is fake.
True love is harder but better;
Whereas fake love is as weak as a feather.

what is love?

2010-08-01T16:08:00.001+10:00

No matter how hard things seem, true love will aid you through it.

One Tree Hill

2010-07-29T20:00:00.001+10:00

Well as you know lately my blogs have been all about sadness, loss and heartache. This one is just the script of a funny scene in my favourite television show ‘One Tree Hill’ . So like its pretty pointless so if you don’t care, don’t read. I do not recommend it.

Haley: There is a difference between a lie and a little white lie.
Brooke: Really?
Haley: Yeah.
Peyton: Okay, wait, what white lie?
Haley: Nothing.
Brooke: Haley lied to Nathan.
Haley: Not exactly.
Brooke: Yes, you did.
Peyton: About what?
Haley: Nothing
Peyton: Haley?
Haley: You know what if we are talking about bad behaviour you might want to sit this one out.
Peyton: What is that supposed to mean?
Brooke: Why? She’s not the one acting like a perfect little step ford wife.
Anna: Why are you picking on Haley? She’s throwing us a slumber party.
Brooke: Actually, she is throwing us a slumber party. You just butted in.
Peyton: Brooke, leave her alone!
Brooke: Why?
Haley: What are you going to do, snort her? Listen I didn’t throw the slumber party for you. You threw it for yourself, and you know it!
Brooke: Well at least I didn’t lie to my husband about hanging out with Chris.
Peyton: Wow
Haley: Well Peyton did cocaine with that Rick guy.
Peyton: Haley!
Brooke: What!
Peyton: You have sex in her bed.
Anna: Okay.
Brooke: What is wrong with you? Crack whore!
Peyton: Slut!
Brooke: Liar!
Haley: (Rips off Brooke’s pour strip)
Brooke: (Screams in pain)
Peyton: (Screams in surprise)
Anna: (Laughs) Man, Tree Hill’s got some drama.

(END)

my cinderella story!

2010-07-29T19:30:00.001+10:00

‘Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.’

Just because you don’t want me doesn’t mean no one else does. I love you with all my heart but I guess I have to move on with my life; even though the life I have always dreamed of features you as the star.

TRUTH

2010-07-29T18:51:00.001+10:00

‘Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.’
-Bob Marley

I used to think you were worth fighting for, worth waiting for, worth changing for; but in the end you broke my heart, you continue to break my heart and you just don’t seem to care. This is where I get off I am going to block you on MSN, befriend you on facebook and never talk to you again; because when you said forever I believed you and now you have broken me. I used to be strong. I used to be happy; and independent. You claimed to love that, you took advantage of that and now I am left empty and alone.

Maybe I am just scared of being single because being single means giving into temptations, being judged and not just having one special person to love. When I say forever I mean it because anything else would be a lie and it is unfair to the other person if you play them in ways only you did. I am not going to hate you because I know that is exactly what you want so your conscience is clear, I am just going to love you soundlessly until one day you wake and realise that I am the girl for you, and you come knocking at my door; with an apology in one hand and a kiss in the other and that will be the greatest day of my life.

While We Were Sleeping

2010-07-29T18:09:00.001+10:00

These days I sleep with my arms crossed across my chest so in my dreams I can protect myself from you stabbing me in the heart all over again.

Is it really for the best?

2010-07-28T22:01:00.001+10:00

As I lay here in my bed all I can think is ‘Did you do the right thing?’ ‘Am I supposed to just wait for you to come back to me?’ or ‘Will waiting for you ruin what love life I do have?’

Every time my phone rings, vibrates or even lights up I just hope it is you calling to apologise and tell me how wrong you were and how much you cannot stand to live without me. But when that call, or text message isn’t you it only makes me fight myself not to text you more and more.

But if I did text you this is what it would say…

Heey babes, If you thought that ending it would take away some of the pain I would feel from missing you everyday for the next couple of weeks, you were wrong. The pain I feel now is way stronger and I would have much preferred it the other way. The fact that knowing at the end of the three weeks I would see you and we would both still be in love made not seeing you easier; made not talking to you every night shorter; made the pain lesser. You never leave my mind. I love you. Sleep well.

my daddy loves me;

2010-07-28T17:03:00.001+10:00

I just got given $50 dollars when dad had already given me $30 on Tuesday morning. That is his way of caring but I would trade 100 $50 notes to call you mine again.
I miss you.

To Young Lovers Everywhere,

2010-07-28T13:22:00.001+10:00

And for those who say we’re too young, let me just say:
You can drive at sixteen,
Go to war at eighteen;
You can drink at twenty one and…
Retire at sixty five.

So how old do you have to be before your love is real?

My greatest fear.

2010-07-28T11:17:00.001+10:00

Just like a fire love burns out.
Then you are forced to start another one somewhere else.
(L)

Everything is gonna be okay.

2010-07-28T11:08:00.001+10:00

Yesterday my world came crashing down which made the smile on my face impossible to keep. It hurt, it hurts, I am still hurting. Whenever I think about all those times together it makes me wonder how could it be so easy then and yet so hard now. I say love can conquer the world; as long as both people want it to but do you want it to? Today I didn’t go to school. Just to think of all the questions and all the things that were going to remind me of you would be torturing, and then there would be tears to my eyes forcing me to cry in front of everyone. I like to think I am strong. I like to show people that whatever anyone could possibly do to me I would not break down and cry, I would be strong and over come it. I cannot do this in this instance. I am in pieces and it is going to take a good while for me to pick myself up and put me back together.

So today I have resorted to my own natural therapy (maths revision), this is my way of trying to get my mind off the ache in my chest that is killing me from the inside out. But as I sit here in my room and wonder why we broke up in the first place it brings tears to my eyes so I am unable to read and then once it subsides I look towards my bed where you slept only three nights ago and think where did this all go. Where did I will never hurt you, this will last forever or when I hold you in my arms I feel completely at peace with the world go. Where did the strive to overcome the saying long distance relationships can never work go? What happened that tore us apart and left me broken?

So as I sit here with a pen in my hand and a head full of questions and all I can write is I love you over and over again, thinking one day you might just come back to me. Come put all the pieces back together for us to continue on with forever and be as happy as we were only days ago. I read somewhere that it’s not worth waiting, waiting for that someone to come even though deep down they might not, but then you still hold onto that little piece of hope thinking even though there is only a one in a billion chance it going to happen and he might come one day. There are people saying that I don’t deserve this and there are better people out there that won’t hurt me, But I believe you are worth waiting for.

I ♥ You :)

Why can’t every girl be treated like a princess?

2010-07-28T10:31:00.001+10:00

And there they were as happy as ever after he had overcome his pride to tell the girl he loves how much she means to him. But then again it was only a cinderella story.

Shit Happens; People Leave; Times Change. I hate life without you.

2010-07-28T09:21:00.000+10:00

This wasn't how it's supposed to be in loving memory.
And now I'm torn with misery in loving memory.
I won't forget you please don't me in loving memory.
This wasn't how it's supposed to be in loving memory.

‘I love you; but that doesn’t change shit’

2010-07-28T09:15:00.000+10:00

We gotta start lookin’ at the hands of the time we’ve been given;
If this is all we got, then we gotta to start thinkin’;
If every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’;
Gotta live like we’re dying.

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to;
Turn it all around or to throw it all away;
We gotta tell ’em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say.
Gotta live like we’re dying.

the end.

2010-07-27T18:51:00.003+10:00

five months
four subjects
three pieces of bread
two sleepovers
one broken heart

the end.

I never thought you out of all people would lie to me.

2010-07-26T21:21:00.001+10:00

TRUST

Why did you have to lie to me?
When I was in grade two my mother started to cheated on my father. I knew, but I was just too naive to understand what was going on. Ever since then I have hidden my heat afraid to let people in, well far enough in to hurt me. I cut people off at a certain point and I thought I was making the right decision so I didn’t have to go through the pain and heartbreak that I had to watch my father go through for 3 years.

But then I came to Aviation High. I met you and it was like you were the only one that understood me, You made me happy. You made me believe in love again, forever, and the happy ending all girls dream about. You made me believe in us and how much fun we have together. I used to have a problem with her. You know I got over, like c’mon dude I wrote a blog about it, back when you used to read them religiously every night.

Remember on the weekend when you said ‘I don’t talk to her anymore’ or ‘I deleted her number’. It was completely unnecessary, you didn’t have to lie to me to make me feel better. I felt great about this weekend. I got to lie in the arms of the boy I loved while you told me time and time again that you loved me. Lying is a sin and you will be punished. If you lied about this what else are you lying about. I always like to believe in the good of people because it helps with that completely fake smile on my face that I have to put on whenever I’m without you. I act as if I am naive so I don’t have to feel the pain or loneliness that sorrow brings. But the truth is I love you and that is never going to change. I believe forever is meant for you&me bby.
So please, please help me to believe again because I think it is worth every second of our time.

SMC

‘I’ve changed’ is just an excuse for ‘I’ve found someone better.’

2010-07-25T14:15:00.001+10:00

…to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love.

I loved you. I would have done anything for you. I used to believe. Now it is all different. You say I have changed but maybe it’s you, maybe you have found someone better, or maybe you are just moving on. Why do you always make it my fault. I am sick of always feeling sorry that we aren’t best friends anymore. I have apologised, I have stood up for you and lost other friends, I have missed you and tried everything possible to get you back. The thing is I am over it. I am over wasting my life waiting for you to come running back. It’s just never going to happen. So I am just going to leave you alone. If we happen to be on the same train in the morning I will just continue on with my life as you have for the past 6 months. If you talk to me on msn I will be polite and not bitter about losing the one person I used to look up to, aspire to be: as strong, as beautiful, as gracious.
You will change the world one day and I am sorry that I will not be there to see it. I hope you get your happy ending.

2002-2010

best friends means forever, cunt.
- BMTH

i love you more than my power balance – nick smith :)

2010-07-20T23:05:00.001+10:00

❤ Have you ever loved someone so much that you completely lose your train of thought, that you…

SHIT!

Oh well I guess I’m in love. ❤

Eternity; A limitless amount of time.

2010-07-20T22:57:00.001+10:00

To Nicholas Dylan Smith;

~~Your everything I think about, everything I am.~~

~~Your with me every night when I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up.~~

~~When ever we are together it is like magic.~~

~~A supernatural force that cannot keep us apart.~~

~~I couldn’t be happier.~~

I guess I just don’t know how else to say. I’ll love you forever.

You illuminate my world.

2010-07-17T18:02:00.001+10:00

WOMAN’S LOVE

Man knows not love – such love as woman feels.
In him it is a vast devouring flame -
Restless fed – in its own strength consumed.
In woman’s heart it enters step by step,
Concealed, disowned, until its gentler ray
Breathes forth a light, illuminating her world.

Man loves not for repose; he wooes the flower
To wear it as the victor’s trophied crown;
Whilst woman, when she glories in her love,
More like the dove, in noiseless constancy,
Watches the nest of her affection till
Tis shed upon the tomb of him she loves.

ANON

It’s You.

2010-07-17T14:20:00.001+10:00

It's you!

When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me is you.

I Choose You.

2010-07-17T14:11:00.001+10:00

At the end of the day it's the choices you make that count.

I will push on; Push forward into the unknown.

2010-07-17T13:08:00.001+10:00

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap.
The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief. And beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.

I will push on to be that person I want to be.
To be that person with you by my side.

We can show the world that happily ever after is possible.

2010-07-17T12:43:00.001+10:00

Image a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true, it’s the greatest moment in your life, and you get to experience it with one person, who’s standing next to you?

Don’t you ever wish that life was a fairytale? That that special someone will turn up on your doorstep to tell you how much they love you and that they will do anything to make this work. I dream about a life where everything is easy, everyone is happy, and I can spend forever with you. I know this change has been hard on us, but think about what if everything ends: We will never see each other again, It will be as if it never happened and we will both regret letting what we have go. I believe in us. I know we can do it. Maybe putting this fake smile on my face has worked out for the best, I am starting to believe that what we have will survive this and we will be happy. Yes, we won’t be able to see each other a lot but when we do it will be special, the distance will make us strong and we won’t doubt each others love for one second because there is no one on this planet that I would rather save myself for than you. You complete me. I love you.

030610 (L)

This day is the definition of a perfect beginning: One I hope will never end, One I knew I would do anything for and has completely change my opinion of true love.

Untitled.

2010-07-15T19:50:00.001+10:00

These days it feels like I’m back to where I was 20 blogs ago: where all I can do is cry, all I can think about is you and all I can see is change. Change is bad. As you all know I changed schools this year and now when I look back at all the people I used to call friends it’s like I don’t know them anymore and when I look back at all the people I used to call sisters it is like we never met.

I guess I am just afraid that this is how we are going to turn out, like we will just drift apart. I feel it working now in our msn conversations: nothing to say, nothing in common, everything gone. I feel helpless like there is nothing I can do to stop it like nothing I say is interesting enough to make you stay, like once upon a time it used to be just you&me and now I have to share you with everyone.

I feel meaningless, like what the fuck do I mean to you anymore. When we are together it all seems different I can see the look in your eyes when you look at me, the concern in your voice when you ask if I am okay, and the feeling of love whenever your around. It’s like we are inseparable, undefeatable, never ending. Yet on msn it is all different, I cannot see the look in your eyes, I cannot hear the concern in your voice, and I cannot feel like love; all I can see is a conversation that ended after how are you?, I can hear the silence as my fingers wait for your long awaited reply, and I feel scared that all it takes is one feeling and it will all be over.

Maybe this blog is unfair on me. You get to read every inside thought I am having right now: good or bad. Yet in the end it all comes down to what you are thinking. Someone told me I just have to trust you, believe in us, and hope it will all be okay. Trusting you with my heart is just like trusting you with my life. So is that even possible? All I know is I love you very much, I don’t want this to end, and I will do anything I can to keep you because your worth every second of my time.

I know boys are bad with words but would it kill you to remind me, how cool I am. :)

Love Sa-bi-na;

i miss you .

2010-07-14T17:47:00.001+10:00

How come every time I think about you just makes me miss you more and every time I see you makes me want to run up and hug you more?

sabina!

☆ Forever is hard; but you make it easy.

2010-07-11T21:39:00.001+10:00

♥ Heey, My name is Sabina Colman.
I am 15. I smile, I laugh, I cry, I love and I feel.
I get A’s, I talk to much, I get angry at nothing, I sware, I get in trouble, I get jealous, I feel love and I give love.
Ever since I’ve met you I feel like an extremely different person; a happier person, a better person.
For my holiday I went to Newcastle, You went to the Sunshine Coast. I missed you.

♪

‘I never thought I’d fall for you; As hard as I did.’

‘Now I’m speechless over the edge, I’m just breathless; I never thought that I’d catch this love bug again. Hopeless, head over heels in the moment; I never though that I’d get hit by this love bug again.’

♫

‘You are my safe inside the storm; And in your arms I am at home.’

‘Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.’

♪

‘You gave me butterflies at the mailbox; You had me at hello.’

‘I love summer days.’

‘There's no question at all; Boy, your tops on my list.’ ♫

‘You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head, spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night. You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee. Just the thought of you can drive me wild; Oh you make me smile.’

♪

‘I like the way that you talk, I like the way that you walk. It’s hard to recreate such an individual.’

‘I’ll make origami of your lyrics. Geez that’s good Suffa; What is it? It’s a swan.’

♫

‘You are a dream I hope will never end, for all the beauty of you making love to me again. Tell me I won't be alone, that we'll be together for all time.’

★ these songs remind me of you;
they brighten up my day;
because i love you;

Dumb Enough - Hilltop Hoods

2010-07-11T19:27:00.001+10:00

Today I bought the rest of your present.

i bought a straightener
i bought hair putty
i bought a styling comb
i bought a gift bag
i bought heat protection spray
i bought engraving?

I hope you like it.

:)

Neopolitan Dreams - Lisa Mitchell

2010-07-11T10:36:00.024+10:00

You know when your in love, when you're can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

Last night my dream was incredible.

Every time I woke up I fell straight back to sleep just for it to continue.

It was amazing.

Smile - Uncle Kracker

2010-07-10T21:59:00.000+10:00

Today I went to the West End markets with my family.

i love markets
i love watermelon
i love one tree hill
i love horny text messaging
i love science
i love high school musical
i love hot showers
i love sex talks
i love glee
i love chic flicks
i love mayday parade
i love tomato
i love nicholas smith

:)

Strawberry Kisses – Nikki Webster

2010-07-09T17:18:00.001+10:00

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the hairdresser I got a chullet and box fringe; Looks better than it sounds. I also went to Oxford St with James; It was good. We talked and ate. I then saw Jemma and Jackson. I miss Jemma a lot, she was my best friend in grade eight and seeing her reminded me of all the fun we used to have.

Last night was the second night I cried myself to sleep since you have gone. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to see you; even though I still have to wait another nine days. I think about you all the time; and I feel empty without you. School starts soon so hopefully that will get my mind off you. I Love You.
Oh I also bought you another thing to go with your present. :)

I am off to Nonna’s now, and I am extremely tired. Sara leaves tomorrow so that shouldn’t be good, I am definitely going to miss her. I hope we are having something really good for dinner tonight; I am hungry.

♥ 2days; I miss you.

-> sabii

Festival Song - Pez

2010-07-08T13:50:00.001+10:00

PHOTOS!

THE END!

I believe that going to Newcastle with my family was an experience; one I will never do again. It is so good to be home, the weather is better, the shops are better, and my bed is way better than that little, hard, crowded thing that I had to sleep in. These are some of the photos that were on my camera, mostly scenic photographs. I did take some other ones but I will post them on a later date with an explanation of the titles to my most recent blog posts.

♥ 3days; I miss you.

sabinamariamaycolman;
jessica you float my boat, i love youu.!
cant wait till friday with james.!
hair cut tomorrow.!

You Had Me At Hello - A Day To Remember

2010-07-07T16:20:00.000+10:00

I said time would never tare us apart. I said we will be those two old women in our rocking chairs chatting about how things used to be, how they always were, forever. But lately what has happened? I admit I haven't made any effort to talk to you. I always believed you were the busy one and you will talk to me when your free. I cannot get through a day without thinking about you, what we had, where it went.

I have officially reached the point of where everynight I religiously read your blog just so I can say I still know how you are, who you are, even from the lack of communication. You were my life, my best friend. You said I changed you. You said we were actually going last forever. Then we both moved away and we both changed a lot. But Have I changed to much? Do you not like the person I have become? I feel as if I have lost you and if this is true, this is officially my biggest regret; losing you, losing us, losing what we had. I miss you. I really do hope you feel the same way.

♥ 4days; I miss you.

forever love, s.colman :)

Hands Down - Dashboard Confessions

2010-07-06T17:59:00.001+10:00

"So... I'ts not that you're afraid you won't... like me as much when I am different - when I'm not soft and warm and I don't smell the same? You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?"
He exhaled sharply. "You were worried I wouldn't like you?" he demanded.

-Eclipse; Stephanie Meyer

Isn't that what we all are afraid of loving someone and for them not to love us back? That if anything changes, nothing will stay the same, including us? Like these days the words I and Love and You do not mean a thing, they are over used and whenever said don't seem to express the emotions that the true meaning should... and you connot buy random gifts for certain loved ones because they then sit there speechless as they try to explain to you that what you've dont is too nice and you as a person cannot be that nice.

But you shouldn't have to worry. I have never met anyone like you. When I am with you I feel like a whole new person. The joy it brings me just to call you mine and the way my eye light up whenever I see you. It's incredible. You're incredible. I cannot believe I found someone as generous and loving like you and the amount of times a day that you make me laugh are uncountable. Your smile makes me melt inside and there is no one I would rather spend my time with. I think you are perfect, amazing, completely one-of-a-kind... and your hair is going to look sexy once you go to a hairdresser. I am completely, untterly in love.

♥ 5days; I miss you.

SC!

Carry My Love - Sarah Geronimo

2010-07-05T18:57:00.002+10:00

Love is like an ice cream cake. If you don't eat it fast enough, it's gone. Then your left with a big mess of sticky white stuff. So can we please be a pavlova instead. Where the outside is just as sweet as the inside and will never melt.
Hope your having fun; because I'm missing you like crazy! I love you, baby.

Love Bug - Jonas Brothers

2010-07-05T16:09:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday to you,

You still have your doo.

You look like Peter Colman,
And you smell like cow poo.

Today was Dad's birthday and to celebrate we went to the Maitland Bowls Club for an all you can eat buffet; it was good. Last time Pop and Phil brought family there my cousins only ate a bare minimum when they expected more. Therefore everyone was expecting us to eat heaps so I made up a cometition of who could eat the most amount of plates would win. I came second to Erica who ate massive 7 plates of food (including 2 servings of deserts and 1 of soup). Everyone was very proud of us. Yet I felt very sick afterwards.

I then ended my day by taking a long hike up the huge hill opposite Pop's house. It was long, it was hard and right now I am very tired. I took photos which I will post at a later date and I found a rock that is perfect for readng. So tomorrow I will once again return to my rock; with me I will bring: 1 nail, to carve my name into the rock and 1 book. I will spend probably all day up there until it becomes to cold or dark for me to withstand. I will then return home, ready to blog again.

Why is it so hard for people to admit they are wrong? Like everyone knows they are wrong, and even by this time in their life they can see they are wrong. But what is it that stops them from just admitting it? Is it their pride? You said my Mum would leave. You said she would move to Italy and not want to know me anymore, she would take Erica and run away never to call, write or return. You said that years ago and now look she is here, she is happy and she loves me. Did you just want me to choose you? Did you just so it so she sounded like the bad person? Did you say it to scare me? Well I don't care anymore because if these years of living with you have taught me anything it is to hate you; and I do, I hate you!

♥ 6days; I miss you.

$@&!

Knock You Down - Keri Hilson

2010-07-04T17:29:00.002+10:00

As we all know it is currently the mid-year school holidays. these days I find myself bored with a lot of spare time nothing to do, no where to go. Therefore for the next 14 days I am going to blog constantly about everything: Past loves, Previous loves and Future loves that will hopefully still be there as stong as ever.

For the holidays Dad decided we would go see Pop in Newcastle; New South Wales. He isn't doing too good. He has cancer and it is slowly but surely taking over his whole body, the doctors say he has exceeded the age limit to continuously give him kemo shorts, so they are just making sure he is comfortable as he attmpts to finish the long race we call our lives. I have never spent heaps of time with him considering he lives in another state but he is one of the funniest, most happiest person in Dad's side of the family.
He is independed. He is selfless. He is stong.

Over the past days of just sitting with him makes me miss him already. Just to look at him makes me think is he already in the better place because as I look in his eyes he seems distant, lonely, and helpless. Throughout his life he has had to lose two women that I had been told he loved very much: My dad's mother who passed very early leaving him with five kids to look after and watch grow up into adults and Freda who has only passed in the last couple of years, who seemed more of a bestfriend then anything else. She looked after him and made him happy.

At this moment Pop can hardly see, hear or walk. The cancer is speading and I don't know how much longed he will last. I am very grateful to my father for bring me down here these holidays because I know that even though it is bad to say it but this Thursday will be the last time I see him. This will be my goodbye. Goodbye to the cheery old man that eats his weetbix in the sun room every morning with tight, young looking, female legs. I'll miss you.

♥ 7days; I miss you.
Love Sabina.

NSC ❤

2010-06-30T17:30:00.000+10:00

I Love You.

This is for the boy I lovee; You know who you aree.

2010-06-26T21:23:00.000+10:00

When we are together it is like there is no one else on the whole planet. I get completely lost in you. The happiness I feel whenever I just glimpse in your general direction cannot be measured by man. Your the most funniest, nicest, hottest person ever, and yet at anytime I feel that I can somehow lose you within a second. Lately, I have felt jealous.
Jealous of a girl that shouldn't even phase me,
Jealous of a girl that used to mean the world to you,
Jealous of a girl that still calls you baby.
But that shouldn't be your problem, that is mine, and I don't want to be jealous, or controlling, or over baring. I want us to be happy. I want to believe in us; to just believe.

Next term it is going to be all different. It is going to be long, endless days with nothing to look forward to, besides maybe seeing you on the weekend. It is going to test our relationship, test our trust and test our love for each other.
I hope to rock this test just like I do all others.
I hope it is still going to be you&me at the end, and...
I hope that there will be no broken hearts to have to mend when it is all over.
So I will continue to hope in search for the end, when everything should turn out right just like in a movie, one with the perfect ending, where everyone lives happily ever after; because the secret to your own happily ever after is to just believe.

I wanted for this to be like a super long post, all about how much I love you, but like c'mon how many ways can one girl tell a boy that she loves him ?
Ti Amo (Italian)
Je T'aime (French)
Em Teu Anh (Vietnamese)
Chan Rak Khun (Thai)
Well there is four, but like maybe I am the crazy one, the one that believes too much, the one the yearns for that fairytale ending so bad that is tricked into believing in forever over and over again. But sometimes when it is just you&me forever seems easy to believe in, like all my dreams will come true.

Forever scares a lot of people, and I am pretty sure it scares you.
But I would spend ~~forever~~ with you.
I love you.
:)

you&me

2010-06-14T20:38:00.001+10:00

my lollypop is getting lonely..

iloveyou

Your the only thing on my mind!

2010-06-14T20:35:00.001+10:00

When I wake up in the morning…
While I brush my teeth…
While I take the train…
While I sit in class…

I think about you.

Maybe we moved to fast, fell in love slowly but then moved to quickly. Everyday is another day I spend thinking only of you and what is going to happen to my heart if this all ends badly. Then I think of all the people out there who are too scared, too broken, and too cautious to let anyone in anymore because they had the worst first experiences possible and I start to see how much of an idiot I am for making such a big deal of everything. I guess all I wanted was for you to believe in us. Just believe!

Does Love Fade or Just Move On ?

2010-06-09T17:10:00.001+10:00

Jonathan Conley
21.05.10 – 09.06.10

I guess love fades… or just moves on ;)

♥

Curiosity Killed the Cat?

2010-06-06T20:34:00.001+10:00

I wonder what it feels like to hook up with someone with braces?
Can you feel them at all?
Is it any different?
Does it hurt?

I wonder.

♥

ForbiddenLove;

2010-06-06T20:24:00.001+10:00

05.06.10

Probably the best day of the year !

Sabinaa / p.s. i love you.

I do not deserve your love. Go waste it on someone else; because everyone knows there is no such thing.

2010-05-17T22:10:00.001+10:00

Have you ever felt like crying so much that if you catch yourself thinking about your life long enough the tears start to build up in your eyes?

These days no matter how hard I try I cannot make peace with my head. During the day: Why don’t they like me, Are they my friend, Will I finish my assignments in time, What do I do? During the night: Does he love me, What did I do to deserve this, Will I get to live happily ever after, What do I want to be when I am old, Will I Fail?

So many worries; so little sanity.

Maybe I am pathetic for worrying, Maybe I just need you there to support me, to show me that there is one person in this world that still cares, that still wants to see me succeed. But I don’t have you, I don’t have anybody; well Gab, Jess, and Jodi. But you mean so much more to me; it is out of this world.

Does anyone feel true love anymore?

I feel I am losing you, My one I can count on or come to you for anything, as you would always say. But does that still count now, when you spend all your time with you real friends, and not make and effort to see me?

I dream of world peace.

Fuck, I don’t like you, I never did; Never will. Stop telling me what to do, what to say, what not to say, who to like, who not to like, I couldn’t careless. This is my life and I’m sick of people trying to run it for me, I am just over it; I really am.

Justin Bieber ♥

You can’t leave you just can’t. Your my best friend. And even though I haven’t actually known you for long I know my life will be way emptier without you in it. C’mon this is how our relationship works I tell you what to do and you do it, PleasePleasePlease DON’T GO!

ELLIOTT; My ToyBoy.

I need that person there I could just cry too, that won’t call me self centred, or a drama queen. Someone who gets me, and understands that everything will go away in time, and to not take anything for granted and will love me no matter what.

WANTED
Person to love me for who I am.

These are just some things that have been running around my mind lately, I will apologise now for the person that will be in firing line of my tears, I will soon now cry. Wish you were here.

:) binaaa’

Are we taking life for granted ?

2010-05-12T20:03:00.001+10:00

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one. - PEYTON.

Have you ever felt uninspired, that your life doesn’t mean anything, that no one cares, what’s the point? Well, if there are so many people in the world don’t you think that there might be someone out there going through something way worst than your worst nightmare. Someone who doesn’t have a place to call home, someone who has lost their mum and their dad is some horrific accident, someone who is so hungry they have resorted to eating out of a bin in need of daily fibres. The truth is there will always someone going through something way worst that you are, so what are you doing making a massive deal about it, what about the other 6 million billion people in the world, who is caring for them, who is making sure their okay, who is tucking them in at night? NO ONE; and look at you being all, aw no internet for me. Pfft, pathetic. Take a look at this kid, he is my official idol. If I had half the pride he does I would consider myself the luckiest person in the world.

Sabi ♥

Philophobic: a fear of love; falling in love.

2010-05-11T21:51:00.001+10:00

Have you ever liked someone so much you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry? - RACHEL.

Well, that is the way I feel everyday of my life.

Have you ever been in a world where no one understands, no one cares, and when you explain people get confused or don’t really care or are so caught up in whatever troubles they have in their own life to not even give sympathy at all. Like okay there are those people that suck at sympathy but would it really kill you to show it just once. Like c’mon all you have to do is to tell one pretty, little girl that for once everything is going to be alright; that all her dreams will come true; that she will get that happily ever after with the guy of her dreams. What happened to everyone getting their happy ending, world peace, and growing old together. I am so tired of everything not turning out the way it should, where everyone get what/who they want, there are no stupid gaybo’s that are purposely there to fuck up your great day, where I get to see my best friend everyday. I want those days back, they days where it was easy; Grade 9; Where I had friends that meant something to me, I was loved and loving, where maybe I was a bad person, but at least I wasn’t a fake good one. The person I am these days isn’t me, it is who people want me to be. It is too tiring to be this person everyday, to be happy all the fucken’ time, to not be sad and angry when I never get to see you in the morning. It is just so stupid, tiring and fake.

Why is everything justified by either a yes or no, what happened to the maybe’s, the could be’s, the 50/50’s. It is my life, my opinion, my choice to tell you or not. So Fuck Off. You may guess all you want but one day I will break down and cry, It will be your fault. My secrets are mine, not yours, and you of all people do not get to justify who I have to tell or not. Everyone has a secret or two or millions, but why do people have to be so mean, I am sorry for everything I have done to people with secrets that have told me, not that I have told anyone but that fact I tease you about it, I am sorry. From now on I promise not to be a mean bitch. Oh only to Jodi, because that is how our relationship works. I blackmail her, and she gives in. IloveyouBAF!

Memories; The stupid fuck head’s! They make me cry, I wish I could forget; Forget everything because it all just hurts to much to remember. I have written this so many times, but why do they always have to come up, why when I look at your face all the pain comes flooding back. ‘Why are you angry?, lighten up’. That is what you always say, but you will never understand. If you felt the pain I feel every time we are together, you would probably die in agony. It must be so easy for you, to want any ugly girl on your cock. FUCK! I’m sorry for being mean to you, I just get so angry, so jealous. The truth is you will never understand the pain I felt today, while I had to be with you while watching the rain pour down; Rain was our thing and we will never forget it. So wouldn’t it just be easier to just kill the memories?

Memories; The things that have made my life the best it could possibly be. The things I will compare the rest of my life with. He has been the best of the best and my next and the one after that are going to have to be brilliant to make me as happy or even more happier than he did. Every piece of who I am today, has been made up by him or a small number of other people in my life. EspeciallyMT.

How would you feel if the person you like just said out loud who they liked; for everyone to hear. Deep down you knew it, he had made it obvious by the adjectives he had used to describe her, the faced he made when talking about her, the things he did for her. But you were never actually going to let yourself believe it until you heard it, because saying it out load is making it true, is breaking your heart. You hold my whole world together, I look forward to talking to you, your smile brightens up my day, the smell of safety and company. You make me feel guilty for not hugging you on your demand, when hugging you is giving it, falling into that hole never to be saved, always to be left for dead. I wish I meant something but I don’t. I mean nothing to no one anymore. It’s hard to once be someone and to then be no one. Maybe I was getting way to into this, wishing for something impossible, dreaming for something I cannot have. Maybe you see this as a joke, something funny, something stupid, like that little grade eight girl wanting to go out with the older grade nine boy. The truth is I’m over it. I’m sick of getting hurt and I have arrived to the time in my life where I cut off my heart from the world and have that god can go fuck the world attitude, because for all I care he can.

sabinaFUCKENcolman.

PS. Wishing she could see Marilyn sometime soon. IFLY&MY!

Too many thoughts to explain.

2010-04-25T20:07:00.000+10:00

You Are Beautiful;

2010-04-17T18:33:00.001+10:00

Why is it that makes every girl think that they are not beautiful enough? Not smart enough? Not cool enough?

People are so judgemental these days, not only of themselves but of others as well. You should not expect anything of people, you should not insult people (to their face), and you should not degrade yourself from other people because you look different. That difference could be called unique, one-of-a-kind, individualistic; All of these things good.

And.. If your just one of those pretty girls that call yourself ugly you should grow up and get over yourself because there is some Sexy Dutch Boy waiting for you. You know you like him.

This blog is dedicated to the ones I love that do not believe that they are good enough for someone who is miles away from how good they are in the first place (that is you Maddison), Your beautiful, I’d tap that any day, Oops already have. :)

P.s Don’t worry I didn’t put any so called (by you) ugly photos of you on this blog, iloveyou; ♥

♥ Sabinaa.C

He will never be Forgotten,

2010-04-15T17:49:00.001+10:00

RIP Desmond Mann

They always say the good die young.. I guess you were no exception.

He was the man everyone wanted to grow up to be, He was the person that could always bring a smile to your face, He was the friend you could come to for anything. Judging by all the comments you have gotten on your Facebook in the past 24 hours shows you are going to be missed by a lot more than just me. When I heard that you had pasted away I was lost for words I didn’t know what to do. You were the one that helped us get bronze at State Volleyball Schools Cup, and my last memory of you was when you left Melbourne and all the Balmoral kids to go on holidays to an island in the Asia Pacific. I never came back to Balmoral this year, I never got to say good-bye.

Death; How does God choose the people that die: Does he pull a name out of his hat, does he role a dice; How does it work? Desmond was one of the greatest people I have even known: He believed in the good of everyone, and was always kind. Why is he gone? The murderers, rapists, thieves and terrorists have lived worst lives then dear Des. Then why was it him who got punished? He deserves to walk this Earth more than those people yet he is gone and they are free to walk between us. I don’t understand how it works, I want to know how it works, because in my opinion I am a worst person than Desmond, I am still here; What does that say about God: He made a mistake, Someone rigged the choosing? All I know is that he deserves to be here with us and he isn’t and that is so totally just not fair!

Even now I still don’t know what to do, all I can do it cry. I go to Aviation High now and even though that is where I heard the news I knew I couldn’t cry, they wouldn’t of understood and I wouldn’t have had anyone to talk to. Just hearing what happened at Balmoral High today, you would of been so happy and proud of yourself to see the impact you have made to all the other children, including me. There is one massive hole around the South-East area and that is one that is going to be extremely hard to fill. I don’t clearly remember how close we were, but you are the closest thing to perfect I have seen and even though your not around I want to live my life for you; the life you didn’t get to finish, I want you to look down on me and be proud.

I Miss You; Sabina Colman.

blogger!?

2010-04-14T21:00:00.001+10:00

So many people tell me my blogs are great and that I should continue writing; But what do you find in my blog; peace, truth, laughter. I just don’t get it. To you the person who likes to keep up to date with reading my blogs, why? Why read these words of mine that have come from six hours at school and nothing better to do in the afternoon, Why?

Photographic Love©

I Love You

M.O’Shea

M.Truong

M.McCoy

Love is like the wind; You can’t see it, but you can always feel it.

2010-04-14T17:05:00.001+10:00

Love is like the wind;You can’t see it, but you can always feel it.

What if everyone in the word had no other choice but to tell the truth, like it was completely impossible to tell a lie; Would it make life easier?

You wouldn’t have the problem of backstabbing , or manipulative bitches. You wouldn’t have the problem of telling someone you like, that you actually like like them and you wouldn’t ever be accused of lying because you had no other choice but to tell the truth. So would that make life easier ?

No secrets, No Liars, No heartache; Without lying, people wouldn’t be able to tell you that they love you without actually meaning it, you wouldn’t get your hopes up and in conclusion your wouldn’t suffer the pain of a broken heart. It would be completely pain free.

But sometimes the truth hurts, and in my case it does; people move on, people disappoint you, and people never love you back. It is just the way it is, and the truth will always hurt so that is why we lie. Lying saves us from opening our heart, telling the truth, and actually having to admit to yourself that life only gets harder. There is nothing that can stop us from feeling the pain; of a broken heart, of a lost loved one, or of a sore knee :)

That is just how it is, so we must practice our fake smiles and rehearse our I feel great speech for when someone comes along and tries to convince you for that one minute that they actually care how you are feeling in the first place.

Written with Love; S.C

APRIL; I’ll be the light in your window.

2010-04-07T16:09:00.001+10:00

01.04.10; Today was the last day of term one, the Balmoral cross country and the first time I have fallen asleep in class. The whole day was filled with unamused kids watching unamusing movies that the teachers had picked out for us to watch. All day I had the feeling that I was meant to be somewhere else but because of certain people I happen to call friends; I wasn’t. ‘The truth only means something when it is hard to admit,’ and that is what it is, my friends are not able to tell the truth so why did they lie in the first place? As I have heard the Balmoral Cross Country was great Lauren came first, followed by Kylie and Molly. Congratulations to them all and good luck at Gateway.

02.04.10; ‘Sometimes you have to be a part from people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more,’ and today I experienced that. I have only been on holidays for less than twenty-four hours and still I can’t help but miss you. I spend nearly every minute of the three hundred and sixty minutes we attend school five times a week so is it such a big deal that I miss you this much or even at all. Also while I was walking the beaches at Redcliffe I couldn’t help but to think where I stand in your life; If you had to choose, would you choose me, or would you abandon your 15 year old child for some guy that you left your once loved husband for? Today it didn’t seem like you would of, you just stood there while he would give me smartass remarks and insults and then when I tried to defend myself you would yell at me; accuse me of doing the wrong thing, when I am your daughter and you should have been telling him to lay off.

03.04.10; Oh my god, only two days until my birthday, just two days til I am fifteen, two days until I can go see MA 15+ movies without an adult guardian. Today was the day before Easter every thing had to be clean, everything had to be ready; but for what? My cousins were down in Canberra, therefore they weren’t joining us for this religious event; so it was just going to be our family, our small incomplete meaningless family. While everyone cleaned the never ending mess in my grandparents huge house, I sat on the couch watching my favourite television show to this date ‘Sex and the City,’ it is hilarious. My viewing was broken up by reading for a couple of minutes every hour. That night I went to church to celebrate the life of Jesus Christ. I was really there to find out what I am supposed to do with my life for the next 15 years, so far 15 have gone past and I have made a very little impact on the world. ‘God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell.’ That night I heard nothing at all, so what does that mean he is trying to tell me?

04.04.10; Happy Easter! Well that is what everyone hopes it will be. HappyHappyHappy. Today I wondered is it I, that is growing up and becoming to old for the excitement and joy that Easter brings or is it that in this day and age where people have become less religious and traditional that no one can see the true meaning of Easter and family. For my Easter I enjoyed a nice classical meal with my loving family, even though I had to clean up I enjoyed it very much. For the rest of the day I got completely hooked in this new book I am reading ‘ The Last Song’. It is a story about family, first loves, second chances, and the moments in life that lead you back home. I only bought it the other weekend and I hadn’t really read much of it, but I promised myself that in order to watch the movie I had to finish reading the book, and that is what I set my goal as for these holidays. I stay up nearly all night and I got to the last couple of chapters when I put the book down and went to sleep.

05.05.10; Happy Birthday. I have now turned fifteen. truthfully I never though I would make it to now, I really just though i would die before high school in some horrific accident or something. As a child I never really believe in a future, all I knew was now. I guess that is why I still don’t really have future dreams or goals all I know is that now is now and I have to live as the best person I can be. "God, he suddenly understood, was love in its purest form, and in these last months with his children, he had felt His touch as surely as he had heard the music spilling from Ronnie's hands." This is a quote from the book ‘The Last Song,’ I finished it today. It is most probably the best book I have every read; considering I have only completed three novels in my whole life. It was a lovely story by Nicholas Sparks that made tears like waterfalls pour out of my eye for hours on end. It had a marvellous surprise ending and I couldn’t wait to watch the movie.

05.04.10, Continued; For my birthday my grandparents brought me to beach, it is one of my favourite places in the world. I got to sit in the sun, smell the waves as they hurled up against the rocks and watch the kids play in the sand. Once I had gotten home, I was filled with anxiousness and excitement and I couldn’t wait to go see ‘The Last Song’ in cinema. So I called up my friends and invited them to come see it with me that night. Molly was still down the coast for Blues Fest so she couldn’t come, Marilyn was down the coast also because I had assured her earlier that morning that I was not doing anything for my birthday. So it was just Me and Maddy. Dad came to pick me up instantaneously and him and Gyan also came to the cinema but to watch another movie that they had previously organised to go see. Maddy than slept over.

06.04.10; I woke up to the chiming of my phone alarm at 6.30 in the am, I don’t usually wake up this early on a holiday just I had forgotten to turn off my alarm every since I stoped having to go to school. Once I was awake I got out of bed and went down stairs to watch glee. My aunty Debbie had given me the entire first season for my birthday. Maddy finally woke up and joined me down on the couch. After an hour her phone rang, it was Debbie her Dad’s girlfriend to tell her that she had to be home so she could get a flu vaccination. I then called Marilyn and organised for her to come over so we could hung out because we hadn’t seen each other in a while. We then ate breakfast as we waited for Marilyn to be dropped off at my house. We were just about to leave as she pulled up, we all then got in the car to bring Maddison home.

06.04.10, Continued; After and hour or so Marilyn and I decided we were going to go to Chermside shopping centre. As we started to walk to the bus stop we saw the bus approaching; we than ran in hope that the bus driver saw us and would wait, he waited. Once we got to Chermside we went to look what movies were playing, we weren’t really interested in any so we just went to eat food in the new food court. Sumo Salad; It is the best! We then went in many shops: Myer, QBD, Big W, Portman's, Dymock’s; actually not many. Then we decided to go home, so we went out to the bus stop and saw the 599 just about to leave, we once again ran and made it. Once we got to my house we just chilled and watched glee. It then got dark, we ate party pies, dad drove Marilyn home. The End.

(L)

pimp&player

Our love is a dinosaur; Here it RAWR!

2010-03-31T20:42:00.001+10:00

Have you ever felt like everyone else in the whole world has an other half besides you; everyone else has a best friend, boyfriend or soul mate; everyone has another human being that they can call friend besides you?

Well no matter how many friends you don’t have or ones that won’t listen to your problems and show sympathy to your sadness; I will always be here for you; no matter what time nor place. I am only a phone call away.

I love you.

There are times in my life; when all I need is you.

2010-03-25T17:19:00.001+10:00

ily marilyn.t

Today; and the day just keeps getting better. My day started off worst than most. I called mum to inform her of all the wrongs that are going on at home, she then diverted me to my uncle and said he is always there if I ever need to talk to someone. I talked to him for such an amount of time it took for tears to form in my eyes. He didn’t help as much as I wanted but once I hung up mum had already told me to inform her of what my uncle said; So I returned her call to brief her about my situation. I then cried for a while until I saw that Luke was coming, so I then wiped away my tears, put that awfully fake smile on my face like usual and told him I was sniffling because I have a cold.

IFLY&MY; S.Colman

I wish someone was there to help me;

2010-03-24T16:44:00.000+10:00

Music is Revolution

Your supposed to be my father; the one I come to for help, the one to always support me but somehow over the past months you’ve become my enemy. I HATE YOU, I really do. You said everything would better but it hasn’t, it has gotten worse and now I am the one left hurt, afraid and angry. I don’t know what to do these days, you are always drinking or on your fucken’ smut site; you prevent me from learning and soon you’ll see my grades suffer because of how unhappy I am; but at least I will always have ‘you’.

You; You were always there for me; I could always come to you if I had a problem with anything. Even though you weren’t the best listener and would just sit there as I spoke, I very much appreciated your concern. But now you are very angry and I don’t know what to do or say to you that will make you forgive me. I have already tried apologizing and still you choose not to talk to me, trust me with your emotion filled problems or sit with me in class. I really do miss you: Your hugs, Your smile and Your weird Chuck Norris jokes.

Well at least I have music. Music is everything to me; It can instantly change anyone's mood in just the first 10 seconds of a song. Songs are an expression of a persons feelings, wants or needs. they always mean something to someone. It is wonderful how a musician can do all that, they should be called peace makers. Whenever I listen to music I instantly feel like my pain cannot get any worst. I would also like to thank iPod for bringing music in the world into my pocket every second of the day.

Continuously Writing; S.C.

Ctrl + Z = Undo

2010-03-23T20:39:00.001+10:00

Bryan Bryan Bryan I am really really sorry!!

You say I have courage to feel these feelings and then write it on the internet for everyone to see, but I never thought it was that big of a deal. But it is feeling these things and not know what to do with them, or how to release them that is why I write them in a blog. I do sometimes care what people think, but mostly I close caption everything so no one knows who I’m talking about. But this is important so I wanted to write this one especially to you. I know that write a blog about how sorry I am is just the cowards approach to apologizing but today when I went to say sorry you walked to English mighty sad and angry and then when I saw you in BIT/ICT you looked like you hated me; So I thought the blog would be a good idea till tomorrow when I see you at school to actually apologize to your face.

Bryan you mean so much to me, and I don’t think my time at AV would have been this good if I didn’t meet you. You really are one-of-a-kind (in a good way), there is no one like you, and I never would want to lose you as a friend. I’m sorry for kicking you and hurting you and making you feel sick, but I thought you were my friend and you wouldn’t even help me get my phone back; but I don’t blame you, I didn’t mean to kick (knee) you that hard, I didn’t think I would reach and I didn’t think you would get massively pissed, like people say you always have mood swings but never towards me, but I guess if you do I apologize and hope that makes it all better.

Tomorrow we have SOSE, which means a whole 70 minutes with you, so I really hope you forgive me because I can’t stand not talking to you most days, Well anyways I have to do my draft; due tomorrow, I am truly sorry!

Sabinaa :(

The people at AV are too funny!

2010-03-22T17:30:00.000+10:00

Tim: Josh you sexy beast; Come shag my dog.

Josh: Don’t touch my boob!

One day soon it will – again – be just you and me.

2010-03-20T21:21:00.001+10:00

Remember the time, when no matter what was going on; we always had each other, no matter who was having the fight we would always support each other, no matter who needed help we would always help each other. Well now, having to wake up and go to school everyday and to know that your not going to be there to help and support me; makes me want to cry. At Balmoral it was so easy: I would talk in class, not do too much work but I would always have you to help me if I wasn’t prepared to hand in an assignment or didn’t study for a test. You were always there for me, you always believed I was a better person than the person I was being, no matter what you never gave up on me.

M.Truong; She claims that I have changed her, but the thing you don’t know is she has changed me. She has shown me how much fun it is to actually have a life: to go to the city, take photos, to ride on ferry’s. She has shown me her, how brilliant and unique one person can be, how amazing and beautiful a person can be on the inside and out. I am completely and utterly jealous of this girl she is 100% cooler than me and every single way. I just can’t wait for that day when we will be sitting on a balcony in rocking chairs laughing out loud like old ladies do and just reminiscing about all the weird and wonderful things we have done throughout our lives together. That is what we will be, best friends until the end of time; forever. ‘She is going to change the world someday. And I’m not sure she even knows it.’

Today I went to the cinema’s with my nonna; we watched ‘The Rebound’. It made me think about love, and how it comes to everyone in different shapes and forms. It can come from a boyfriend or husband, a mother or father, a sibling or even a nanny. No matter how bad your life gets or how much people hate you there will always be that special someone that will see the world in you. You might not know it; but you have to have faith. Have faith in the people that value your friendship, your company or your opinion; that one day they will realise what they are missing and need you in their life, because everyone needs someone to love, someone to open their heart to, someone to think about every second of everyday.

-but I love Marilyn Truong; so she’s taken. ;)

Written with love; S.Colman.

I’ll get lost if you want me to, but somehow I found a way to get lost in you;

2010-03-19T22:58:00.001+10:00

Emotions; I wish I could’ve never of had them all they do is get in the way. You can either feel happy because everything in your life is exactly how you want it to be or you can feel unhappy because your life has fallen short of your expectancy. A life without emotions would be plain: no loved one that would claim to love you but then rip out your heart, no disappointment if you don’t get what you want, and no friend that would stab you in the back because you didn’t agree with what they said in the first place. You would be completely at peace.

Love; When you love someone that much you put your feelings on hold for what they want. You ignore your feelings because your afraid that if you open up and tell the person that you love them you might cause more problems or just get your heart torn out again. There is always that one girl that will come along to make you happy and slowly mend your heart because she believes that you deserve to be happy but because of this never ending love that cannot be measured by man you fall in love again and again; your heart is left torn and beaten again and again.

Happiness; I am always alright, I put on that fake smile that has become very accustomed to my face over the years. My happiness is like an empty hole only fulfilled when I am with her; she completes me. I’m not going to waste this time, I will live a life filled with people who love me and make me feel wanted. But I will never be able to love them back the way I love her. I will also have someone to make me happy, one to fool around with, one who cares for me and is sweet and helpful and only cares of my happiness; One who will love me as much as I love another girl and will never tell me because all she cares about is my happiness. The great friend, that is all it seems to be.

These are the feelings of a true being, a person with real emotions, dreams and wishes. An amazing person, one of good looks, great hugs and irresistible lips. This blog was written by Sabina Colman; In memory of all those great friends out there that just want to be loved; Your time will come.

What to do ?

2010-03-18T17:27:00.001+10:00

At Balmoral I was just another girl but now, here, at AV I’m not just another girl; I am the girl. I don’t know what to do. I am so close to so many people and from my view we are all just friends but they could be thinking differently and I don’t want to hurt anyone if I choose to go out with someone. These day every time I sit with someone and start flirting I just think it is nothing but then in my next class or even the next day; I sit with someone else and flirt with them, but then when I come back to the friend from the time before they act weird or don’t treat me like they did. Why? Why do they do that? I thought we were just friends I thought there were no strings attached, but for some reason I now thing there must be, but invisible ones, ones that mean I can only flirt with one person, not anyone who flirts with me. But I cannot sit there and only flirt with one person because when if that person does not end up liking me back, then I have wasted my time on someone who was not worth it. Now in my case what do I do?

Today, I had Social Science first and in Social Science I sit with Nickolas Smith, Nick and I are pretty awesome together, he is so funny, cute and I so cannot resist to laugh at his jokes, He is so funny. Then I had HPE, I had a test so there is nothing more to say there. Next I had Drama, it was pretty boring we sort of just sat and talked the whole time and then right at the end we did some drama stuff but that was all. At second break I sat with Bryan. Bryan is the nicest, most kindest, most true to themself person I know, I am so happy I met him this year. Lastly I had English, I sat with Nick again, it was good because we only watched a movie and Nick didn’t really get into too much trouble like he always does. School Finished! and I walked with Nathan Wolf to the train station, once we got there everyone else started to show up; we all got on the train together. Luke Garret started to pull on my scarf and push me up against the wall, so I couldn’t use my arms to push him off, so I bit his ear. He got turned on big time which resulted in him getting goose bumps. Then once we got on to the next train, we sat with Jacob and I was texting but nothing happened even though I think I sort of wanted it too. Then I said good bye to Luke and hello to Giles, and I got off the train and went to Fraser’s; I told him my day, and told him I couldn’t stay because this new guy just moved into my house. So then I started texting Luke.

Love Always;

Sabina Maria-May Colman!

Smile; No matter how fake it may be.

2010-03-17T21:10:00.000+10:00

Aviation High Kids; Probably the most funniest people you'll ever meet.

Everything is good and happy again. I have a pretty boss friend that lives up the road, and I know no matter what, he will always be there for me if I ever need someone to talk to and I will try to stay at his most afternoons to keep him company. Catching the train is so fun. In the morning I catch it with Marilyn, Maddison, Anneli, Luke, Luke, Raj and Jodi; which is really fun! And then in the afternoon I catch it with Luke, Raj, Jodi, Jacob, Jacob, Jayden and James. Jacob is pretty cool; I reckon. There is this girl; her name is Marilyn and she is my best friend in the whole world, and nothing will ever change that, like not even different schools.

SMT - That's meee!

Then there are my friends at Aviation High, Justine, Donna, Nikita, Nina, Luke, Luke, Nick, and especially Bryan. He is my most special friend, and I NEVER want to lose him. Well that is all for my blog for now, I'm not really in the talking mood. Butt yeahh Im happppppppy!!

love s.colman.

He's THAT Boyyy -continueddd

2010-03-09T16:44:00.003+10:00

♥

He is amazing and kind, loved and loving, smart and crazy, always happy and forever meaningful.

He is that boy.

He is wild and uncontrollable, safe and responsible, huge and sexy, albino and cute.

He is that boy.

♥

Wishes and Goals;

A wish is something you want to happen.

A goal is something you have to work towards until you get it right.

Wishes are general and never specific.

Goals are specific and never easy.

My Wishes in life are to pass high school, go to university, travel the world, make lots of money, fall in love, have a big loving family, grow old with the one I love and die doing something I enjoy.

I don't have any goals in life; goals are tricky, and you have to work for them every second of every day. I choose not to have any goals so when I fail or do not achieve my goals I am not disappointed. I once had a goal; but when I fell short I came out hurt and sad. I want to make you my goal again, to get you back, for us to live happily ever after; but I'm too scared. I can't trust you with my emotions anymore especially now when I don't even know what you want or think. But I saw you today; I saw you sitting outside your house on the balcony and it made me wonder..
' Did you want to see me, Were you waiting for me? '

because if you were ' Why? ' and since I didn't stop ' Why didn't you follow?'

You know I love you and if you miss me tell me because I am always here for you, and no it isn't going to be easy to get me back, because you put me through months of pain, of curiosity, of missing you. While I sat at AV just wanting to be at Balmoral with you. Months of torture; but I am here now, but I don't know what you want from me.

I will always be here for you.

-sabinaacolmann*

He's THAT Boyyy

2010-03-08T17:01:00.001+10:00

HE'S THE MAD BOY IN THE FLURO PYJAMAS WITH HIS VESTAX MIXER...

-tobecontinueddd,

You hate everything about me; Why do you still love me ?

2010-03-07T12:18:00.001+10:00

~~My Playlist~~

01. One Time - Justine Bieber

~~02. Do You Remember - Jay Sean~~

03. Down - Jay Sean

04. Put Your Hand Up In The Air - Daft Punk

05. Reply - IYAZ

~~06. Release Me - Agnes~~

07. Run This Town - Jay-Z Feat. Kanye West and Rihanna

08. You Can't Break A Broken Heart - Kate Voegele

09. You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

10. Why Can't I - Liz Phair

11. When I'm Gone - Eminem

~~12. Whatcha Say - Jason Derulo~~

13. Warp 1.9 - The Bloody Beetroots

14. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Wham!

15. Unfaithful - Rihanna

16. Teenage Dirtbag - Weezer

17. Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade

18. Fifteen - Taylor Swift

19. Forever and Almost Always - Kate Voegele

20. According To You - Orianthi

21. As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys

~~22. Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion~~

23. That's What You Get - Paramore

24. I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace

25. Crash And Burn - Savage Garden

26. On And On - Agnes

27. Always Love - Nada Surf

28. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - AeroSmith

29. Beautiful - Akon

30. Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

I believe a playlist to be personal because everyone can choose to believe your facial expression that you put on in the absence of happiness but no one can truly tell what is in your heart. To see someones playlist; you can determined what is in their heart and whom they think about every second of the day. This is mine. Don't judge just look. Do you see how much I love him. He was my whole world and I lost him. I guess that is how it has to be. So I am telling yous out there that if you ever love someone never let them go, never give them that reason to leave, never think twice about how much they mean to you; Because this boy meant the world for me and I would do anything to get him back. I just wish I knew if he still cared.

You said ages ago that I am the weak one that would have to learn how to live without you, because I had gotten so used to being under your wing and now I was all by myself and didn't have you to support me anymore. But as you should see now, your the one that is going shit like, I am perfectly fine: I have my AV friends, I have Molly, Marilyn, Maddisonn and other life long friends that i got out of Balmoral SHS, but what do you have? You are constantly having mood swings, your group of friends has been broken up by everyone leaving, your not as happy or fun as you were, and you hate my guts but you still love me and that pisses you off. So I think you are the one that is finding it hard to live without me, you constantly need someone to love you and you don't have me anymore, so your all lonely and would bang any girl that asked you; for that I feel sorry for you. Because in no way have I lowered myself to being overly desperate.

Last night my friend Molly slept over she might be coming to AV which is heaps good because Balmoral SHS is a shit hole now and she hates it there. She told me heaps of things and indicated many more; these days I am really slow so I didn't really understand half of the things she was trying to tell me. But I guess I learnt some things about him; but nothing I could say to him or he would get pissed off and deny it. Well yeah now I am going to go do my english assignment; It is a essay on the book 'The Boy In The Striped Pajamas'.

~~.SMMC.~~

I know your hurting; But don't you think I am too; You were my whole world; And now your gonee.

2010-03-03T21:51:00.000+10:00

Two Broken Hearts

What happened to us, and how it happened was horrible. I want to go back to how it was and I know even though you will never admit it but you would much rather that too. I know you still talk about me everyday, not in a good way but atleast it shows your still thinking about me. You tall, sexy and full of muscles; okay we all get it but that doesn't mean you can't have feelings. I know you heart broke when you heard what I did but we were doing very well after that and all you had to do is ignore it. You knew I loved you and I told you all the time but you gave it all away because I was unfaithful, one time, while we weren't going out. We were only together for four months but I think that I know you REALLY well and what I think is that you miss me, your hurting and you want me back, but you can't say that because that puts you in a vunrebel state; where you have to show real emotion. But you can't do that because if you do people will call you a pussy and you care too much about your reputation than who you would like to spend the rest of your life with. So the only way you can express your emotions for not being able to get what you want is to hate mel and I understand that. But you have to know that even though people are going to call you a pussy; Are you ready to sacrafice your happiness for your repuation ?

When your heart broke so did mine and your the only one that can fix it, so please do the right thing fix my heart and take the one giant leap closer to your happiness. I Love You.

Broken
SabinaaaC.

Let the rain fall down and wash away my pain.

2010-03-01T17:38:00.000+10:00

Today it rained (Y)

Your so wet; I love it.

- Anonymous

The rain was our thing we did everything in it. The rain used to bring happiness and a mood to try something new; but now all it brings is sadness and sorrow. Remember all those times we walked home in it or ran around in it or did things in it that cannot be said in a blog. I miss those times and I miss you. I wish we could just go back to when you loved me and when we used to sit under the tree outside your house and talk about anything that came to our minds. I wish we could lie on the grass outside the front of my house and look for clouds. I wish I still went to Balmoral SHS with you and got to see you everyday. I wish for so many things, and maybe one day some of them will come true but I just cannot sit here and wait for you. I wish I had the determination and heart to wait a lifetime for you but I don't and you certainly don't give a fuck about me anymore; you make that clear every time you call me cunt, bitch or tell me to shut up. I could have loved you forever, but I guess forever ended earlier than I had thought.

Today I walked to the train station in the rain. I got heaps wet. Marilyn didn't catch the train today and Luke missed my train; so I just stood all by myself the whole train ride to Brisbane Central. Once I got there I found Nikita and sat and talked to her, Luke then came and we all got on the Shorncliffe Train to Toombul. We then had to walk to school. I saw Aleasha from Balmoral SHS she graduated last year and now goes to University. I got heaps wet again. Then school was normal as usual. I had a Maths Detention from Friday to do at First Break. Then I got another one Today so I went to detention at Second Break as well. Stupid Maths Detentions. Then after school I walked to the train station with Nick, Nikita and Nina. I got wet once again. Then I caught the Redbank Train to Brisbane Central and the Cleveland Train to Murarrie. I then walked up Queensport Road in the pouring rain. Oh and yeah I got wet, very wet, like soaked. But I don't mind the rain; it brings back some of the best memories I have. I hope it rains again tomorrow.

Cold and Wet;

Sabinaaa

I Miss You Too Muchh, Too Writee My Words Of Belief.

2010-02-28T15:58:00.001+10:00

Have you ever hear the story about the girl that got everything she ever wanted ?

Well, me neither.

- but then again who cares ?

- s.colman

★

Even now; Forever and Always; It will always be; You and Me.

2010-02-27T22:16:00.002+10:00

Sabina ( Urban Dictionary : Name Meanings )
A true artist, amazing writer, she is beautiful, smart, cute, funny and a great friend. She will always listen to those who are not heard and offer help where ever help is needed.
She is patient, loving, soft-spoken and a true angel.

Your The Greatest Gift Of All;
Someone told me today that I was not what they ever expected me to be. They didn't say it in a bad way but then they couldn't say it was good either. Maybe the reason you never expected me to be me is because you have never actually gotten to get to know the real me. I have hidden myself away in fear of judgement, hatred and regret. I have hidden myself away because I can be two different people, I can be that smart, beautiful, strong, vivatious girl that everyone used to know, or I can be that slutty, loud, happy girl that some people got to hate at the end of last year. I am ashamed of that girl, I don't want to be her again and I don't want my new friends to know me as that girl. I don't regret anything that I have done. If anything I am proud of myself because I can now say I have been that girl and I was strong enough to change myself back into that better girl that everyone loved. But it is because those special friends like Marilyn Truong and Fraser Campbell that remind you that you will always be that cute girl with a contagious smile to them and nothing that you will do will ever change their judgement of you. And yet I sit here and wonder if I did not have those special few in my life if I would be the person I am today.

marILYn truong; She is my bestfriend. She is the most unique and cutest girl I have ever met. In life she deserves this whole world and everything more. I have seen her grow and transform into the most beautiful version of herself possible. Yes, she will continue to change without me but love is blind and I will always see the beauty in her. She works so hard to please everyone and just to get noticed by the ones that should praise her for all her achievements but I acknowldge that she has worked her ass off and will continue to work hard to reach her goals and to make all her hopes and dreams come true. Because they will. I Fucken Love You!

Sabina Maria-May Colman

I have a bestfriend;

I am a nerd;

I am a slut;

But who are you to judge mee ??

IFLY&MY

2010-02-27T21:41:00.003+10:00

Penis -oh yeah my blogs are soo good arn't they s.colman

I wished I got to have the feeling all over again, becuase back then, not matter what, it was you and me.

2010-02-26T21:51:00.001+10:00

2010; ~~Sabina Colman~~ M.Truong ♥

I want to have that guy that likes me for who I am, because I'm beautiful in the inside and outside. I want to be in love, and realise that everyday i wake up I feel like it's going to be the best day ever. I want to be able to laugh and to look into their eyes and see what I feel. I want to feel like that one person chose me over everyother girl becuase I was the one. I want to feel special, in ways only love can conquer. I want it to be you and me, and not care that when someone thinks of me it reminds them of you. I want them to say i love you and all i can think of is iloveyou too, without the second thought or anything.
But, I have to wait, becuase every girl some day will hope to find that boy for them.

I don't want to change who i was and who i will always be, I'm scared that through everything I'm going to change; and your perspective of me is going to change. I'm scared you'll lose hope and eventually think that me changing the world now seems like a impossibility. I want to be that cute, happy, pretty girl you always saw me as. But, it seems like these days everthings a blur and I don't have enough energy to be like how i use to be, and when I do have the energy it seems like I'm acting like someone else. Maybe it's becuase I'm not with the people I was with before and now that everythings different I act differently, but I don't want that to happen, but I can't do anything about it. You said I was perfect but it seems like im not even merely close, becuase it seems like im drifting away and in the end I'll be light years away of what you call perfect. These days I laugh just becuase its polite and if i do laugh genuinely it doesn't seem to make me as happy as it made me before. I would laugh and feel like there was no moments that could be as good as these.

I want to be able to read the lovesick quotes, and have that person in my head, but lately I don't have anyone, and I want someone to be there for me always and that guybestfriend, I use to have and all of these three things I had at that school once called Balmoral, I would sit under the trees and take those moments for granted becuase now I can see how great they were, I miss those times in class when me and you and her would just talk, I miss how I had these permanent things that didn't change it was easy. But now life just gets harder, and even if i kept these three things close to me it wouldn't be the same becuase things have changed, and they can't be always there for me now, becuase I'm gone.

“Change is never easy. You fight to hold on and you

fight to let go. By the world's standards we'll never
be perfect but for some reason with you I feel
perfected.I like the fact that someone like you sees
something in me.”

- Sabina Colman; She goes to Aviation high, 2010; 5th April 1995. She might think she's not close to perfection or to anything close to that, but what she doesn't know is that she's past that thing called perfection. She said I would change the world but the fact is that she's changed me, she's made me change in ways that a whole bunch of people can't do even if they tried. She shouldn't doubt what she's done in life becuase through all of the misery and mistakes there were she did amazing things, you've probably only known her for four weeks, but she is Beautiful and extraodinary, maybe I'm the only one that thinks that, becuase she's changed me to who I grew to be last year, Than I'm the only one that knows Sabina Colman to who she really is, becuase through those two years and that time in grade three. She's made me strive for the bettter of me and for that I'm who i am in the inside, even if I might've changed this year I know that I'm still that little cute Marilyn that used to love that boy, and have that bestfriend that she always use to fight with and that guybestfriend. She's the shooting star across the night sky;
My shooting star.

Written with love by, Marilyn Truong ♥

Wednesdayyy ; 24.02.10

2010-02-24T21:40:00.001+10:00

Do you remember, do you remember, do you remember ?
All the times we had.
Do you remember, do you remember, do you remember ?
All the times we had.
Let's bring it back !
-Jay Sean

Today at Aviation High,

Well as I said yesterday I did like a different boy today, his name is Seb.

He has this really slutty girlfriend from Cleveland; and yeah he is good looking.

Nothing much happened today, besides I caught the train to school and got to see Marilyn,

and I gave $1 to these people and they gave me a sticker that said 'I Helped Eradicate Polio', what ever that means ?

And Luke like pulled my leg on the way home and he made me hit my rib on the train and it hurt like a bitch, so yeah I hate him. Raj thought I was in grade 9 because apparently I look young.

Right now I am talking to Seb, Connor, Justine, Jack, Molly and Fraser on MSN; but I am really tired, so I think I should go to bed if I am going to wake up on time tomorrow so I can see Marilyn. Well yeah, Connor this Blog sucked, but I promise tomorrows will be better.

sabinaFUCKENcolman.

Tuesdayyy ; 23.02.10

2010-02-23T16:41:00.000+10:00

To Lateee. :)

Mondayyy ; 22.02.10

2010-02-22T21:14:00.000+10:00

Umm, I am just going to tell you some outstanding funny things and moments that happened today.
~
Justine - 'How could he? He cut all his sexy hair off!' Chris walks past.
Makayla points and laughs. Justine - 'Yeahh Dane's hair'
LOL!
~
I hate stupid boys who won't talk to me when I know they like me. Like dude you knew you didn't have a chance with me. So nick telling me and then you knowing that i would reject you should be a good thing. So don't hate him. Plus he doesn't like me, he is just super cute, fun and isn't afraid of talking to me. So get the fuck over it!
~
I think i like this guy. I'm not going to give clues and im not going to say who because i know once people find out the whole school will know and im not ready for that. I am enjoying getting to know him. He is pretttty cutee aswell.
~
i cant wait till you come to my school. i miss you so much and your like one of the only people i can relate to and talk to. i love you soo muchhh. and even though it is a friend way i would do anything for you. and i hopee you do come to my school and get this really pretty girl that i saw for you cause she seems so pretty. plus your hot so it wont be a problem. and yeah that night on webcam i was so checking you out. eye ell why :)
~
i miss you very much. i still cannot get you out of my head. i am literally going insane. im talking to your sister, which is a bit weird considering you talked to her about sex, so it is like weird. Plus she probably hates me as much as you do.
~
I FUCKEN' LOVE YOU.
~
P.s. each line/paragraph thingy is written about a different person or set of people.
Written with Love; by Sabinaaaa.

IfuckenLOVEyouuu!

2010-02-21T22:15:00.001+10:00

it'sComplicated.

To My Dearly Beloved. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent this year beneath the clouds, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

Love Sabina.

Today. I received over 10 phone calls. Her name is Marilyn Truong. She will be my best friend forever. She goes to Queensland Academy Science Mathematics Technology also known as The School That Kills Little Asian Girls. She had a day off today. I don't get to see her much because she is perusing her dream to become a pediatrician. And to do that she has to learn. Learn a lot. And about useless things like Physics. But today we went to see valentines day. on oxford street. at balmoral. the movie was good. but i didn't like that taylor swift played some ditsy girl. she is way better than that. but i don't care how fail her acting was. or how there was gay guys in the movie. i just cared that i got to spend time with this one-of-a-kind girl that i hadn't seen since before school started. after the movie we walked continuously up and down oxford street. i saw freddie molin, jv, nicole, tayla, and tiana. then we had the idea to go to photo booth but dad said no. then we had the idea of going to see nic but she didn't answer her phone. so i called up dad and all of us went to my nonna's to drop erica home. while we were there i gave marilyn one tree hill season six to borrow. and marilyn played guitar hero for the first time. and we went to go give my great uncle some pants my nonna had hemmed for him. once we said goodbye. me, marilyn and dad got into the car and drove marilyn home. i told her about my birthday sleepover which she HAS to come to. and it she doesn't i will never forgive her. well i will eventually. but anyways i had a fucken awesome day. and it is all thanks to marilyn truong. because when i am with her she makes me feel like i belong again. i love you.

Gab Pop. He's A Super Duper Awesome Kid. The Friend I Never Want To Lose. The Whore To My Slut. And My Long Lost Twin. He is all of these things. He is also probably, most definitely, could be, sure to be, hoping to be coming to aviation high in the next four to ten months. which i think is fucken megerly cool because even though i haven't known him for as long as any other of my best friend he means just as much. we have been through so much together. boyfriends/best friends. lonerness, abandoness, love, secrets, and even sausages. he was even one of the only people who was there for me when i changed schools. and now i will be there for him. i will hang out with him for as long as he needs it. i will help him get to know our pretty weird school. and i will he will forever be one of the most important people in my life. because of his niceness, his kindness, his helpfulness, and his playerness. You mean a lot to me. Dear boy. And now what we have can be reunited once again. at aviation high 2010, 2011 ??

To be continued.

Makayla Millard. A New and Fantastic Friendship continuing to blossom. Probably the nicest person i have met at Aviation High. She is like my Jemma Brown on my first days of Balmoral High. She took me in, sat next to me, and made me feel like i had friends. She made me fitting in to Aviation High so much easier that i had ever hoped. I can still remember the first time i talked to her in SOSE. She asked to use my scissors. and then the next lesson she sat next to me and borrowed my pencils. even though she probably broke the insides and nearly got them taken away from me she was really cool. And for all those people who call her a slut they are wrong because she is only on second. unlike other people i know who are called innocent because people have never actually heard her talk before. :)

FORGET.

Okay. I am trying to make this sound smart so here it goes.

To stop talking to someone is hard, but to forget them is impossible. We had our time, we had our up's and we had our down's, we had our good's and be had our bad's, we had love and now we don't. Every song has it's end but that is no reason not to enjoy the music; and that is what we did, we enjoyed it while it lasted but now it is gone. For months now i have tried to get us back to friends. Back to the beginning of the year. Back to when it was fun. Because i believed it was my fault that everything screwed up and both of us got hurt. I wanted to give happiness back to you by helping you get over what you lost, by helping you move on with your life. But in return for all of my help i got swearing and criticism and useless chitchat. i didn't want any of that. i just wanted you to be happy and for me to get the fuck out of your life. I wanted to give you back what i took away. But then the other night after hours of useless chitchat you assured me that you got bored. You did. You did. Not Me. YOU. You did this to our relationship you took away the meaning. I might have flooded the boat but you sunk the ship. Therefore all my effort, all my sadness, all of that time i felt bad for you because i hurt you, all of the time i thought i was the bad person. I wasn't. It was you. You gave up. You fucked us. You ended it. You failed ! But okay, that is okay. I don't hate you. I don't even like you. I am just sick of it. Sick of trying. Sick of hoping and wishing that you will one day come around and apologize and tell me you were wrong. But that is never going to happen. Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. I felt that regret. I felt that regret for 2 whole month. That regret that ate me up from the inside out. That tortured me into somehow believing i was the one to break us. But i wasn't you were. So while you try to live your life in another state without me by your side. I hope you feel the regret. The regret that you let me down. You let us down. We could have been that one in a million couple that lasted forever. I would have done anything for you. But you let me down.

Peyton always says 'People always leave'. But at the end she finally realises that there is always a greater reason. I left because I knew coming back to balmoral was like never getting over you. Always having to live in that guilt and regret that you should feel. Never being about to let go of you or saying goodbye to my past. But why are you leaving? Why are you moving into the middle of nowhere, without not even one word to why you are leaving ? So that is the question i leave you with Why ?

--sabina col~~MAN~~!

The MOVE is ON!

2010-02-16T18:28:00.001+10:00

PAST!
.
Balmoral High; 2008 - 2009.
.
I Miss Marilyn, Maddison, Molly, Maddison, Nic, Lauren, Anneli, Thong, Malcolm, Caleb, Samantha, Aaron, Jack, James, Jemma, Megan, Chelsea, Tayla, Tiana, Regan, Nathanael, Cameron, Daniel, David, Falen, Delanie, Sarah, Paull, Nikki, Gabbi, Kenny, Nathan, Jordan, Niketa, Joseph, Andrea, Kandice, Jayde, Gab, Maddie, Lauren, and Fraser.
.
I Miss sitting on the metal seats, sitting under the big tree, walking to the bus stop, taking the bus, talking to everyone, being one of the only smart people, having the coolest friends, everyone liking everyone, playing volleyball with people who can play, and belonging.
.
I Miss Mr Meagher, Mr Hunter, Mrs Angel, Mr Wood, Mrs Beagrie, Mrs Lacarze, Mr Forster, Mrs Richmond, Mrs Monsour, Mr Loria, Mr Jackson, Mr La Macchia, Mr Hole, Mrs Legget, and Mr Pollard.
.
I Miss The Memories.

PRESENT!

Aviation High; 2010.

I Met Justine, Donna, Nina, Nikita, Johnny, Callum, Max, Lachlan, Nick, Nick, Matt, Erin, Luke, Tyson, Brody, Aaron, Wade, Dane, Ebony, Alex, Kacey, Sebastian, Jay Jay, Connor, and Makayla.

I Discovered where to sit, who are the noobs, who not to talk to, who to like, who are the mean teachers, how to make new friends, how to move on, how to make future decisions, people who remind me of my old friends, and to not look at a person for too long or people will start to think you like them.

I Learnt the names of my teachers, where my classrooms are, what really matters, who really matters, how to look good in a school uniform, how shit balmoral was, school is for learning, never to smoke, never to give up on what you want, and that your special friends will be with you forever.

I'm Content With My Life.

English

15/02/10

Personal Experiences

I shall never forget the time when you would run your hands up my legs, across my back, and down my arms. The feeling of tingles and happiness that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I shall never forget the way you kissed my lips or held me close to you and made me feel like this is where I belonged for the rest of time. I shall never forget the memories, or the way you loved me.

By Sabina Colman.

J.T. + C.R. = LOVE